In just a little over 2 weeks, my blog turns ONE. A whole year of rants and raves and revelations that you may, or may not, have been reading and enjoying and sharing. I don't usually follow the counts, since I write for myself, and once in a while might have someone else read it. But today I could not resist, and I looked at the total. WOW, 1200 page views. Is that normal? What could I possibly be saying that has made 1200 people stop and at least read the title?
Here is what I have been saying from my year-out point of view:
1) Put myself out there. Take the opportunity to challenge myself, my perception of myself, and possibly other people's perception of me. I may be great. I may suck. But I own it, I am it, and I make it known. Being who I am takes some practice. Putting myself out there just gives me some accountability, even if just to myself.
2) Be fearless. Tell the truth, as I see it. I don't apologize, sentimentalize, or compartmentalize. I don't let anyone tell me that what I write is not worth the reading. I remind them they have every right to not read my stuff, and then I ignore them. I might lose some people, but they probably wouldn't be my support group anyway. I don't fear what "they" may think. They don't like it? Tough Shit. I don't write for them, and I don't lie.
3) Treat myself kindly. You know those people up there on item 2? The ones who were giving me grief for speaking my truth? Yeah, I don't want to be one of them, and I remember to give myself heaps of praise for everything, especially for putting myself out there to begin with.
4) Rant when I need to. It is totally necessary for me to let go of whatever is spinning in my head making me a little bit "touched". Maybe it is about my ex. Maybe it is about my parents. Maybe it is about my kids. Maybe it is about myself, and my lack of willpower over chocolate. Maybe it is about my world in general. Whatever it is, I need to get it out. Making that big old mess all over the place is allowed. This is my blog, and I feel free to use it for whatever the hell I need to.
5) History is all perception. I have written about my mother. I have written about my relationships with men no longer in my life. I have written about religion. I have written about my children, my wishes for them, and my fears as I have seen them. The trouble with that is that I don't don't get to decide how the history of all that makes one damn bit of difference. Ask my kids about the last year, and I am sure their history of it is very different from mine. Did they notice the supplements on the counter that helped their mom move away from depression? Did they hear me crying at night? Or did they, as I hope, just see the only mom they have being their mom, normal and weird all at the same time. Will they write a blog about it some day?
6) I am a real person. I am sexy and stupid and beautiful and silly and wonderful and mean and friendly and frail and logical and needy and lovely and shy and gregarious and evil and amazing and forgetful and studious and jealous and brilliant. I am amazing in all the different ways I can be while making huge mistakes in the process. I am okay with that.
7) I have a story to tell. I am writing this story here. It is my story of love and loss and being open to change while fighting it a the same time. I am also writing a novel (something I don't think I have admitted to in this blog until now, and yes, it is a shameless promotion for if/when it gets published). I have learned that I like my story, I like telling my story for the few (could that be 12oo? hee hee) others to read, and that I will continue to do it, so stay tuned.
So happy year ONE. Thank you for joining me on my journey.
