Siting on the corner of my desk in a book called Six-Word Memoirs. On top of the book is a small stylized metal statue of a woman in lotus-pose that I affectionately call my "yoga girl", and my fountain pen filled with orange ink.
For the FengShui aficionados, this is the TWO area of the desk's bagua, which represents the relationship area of my life if you are following that ancient art of Chinese placement. I keep this area as clear as possible, but for these three things, considering that most of the rest of my desk is often piled with work that represents a paycheck in process. I wish I could say that it is my creative work, but sadly I work for someone else in a crowded cubical-farm, and thus most of the work is others-directed. But I digress.
In this TWO area, I realized, is an encapsulated miniaturized version of my current relationship status: a woman in a uncomfortable awkward position, trying to hack-out short-lived quippy bits of meaning from others, while trying to create my own using a dusty pen with dried-out ink.
And so begins the TWO year of my life. Following more of that Chinese number crap, 47 is a two-year (4+7=11, 1+1=2). It is a time of creating and deepening relationships with self, others, spirit, earth. To that end, this blog is going to become both an outlet tool, and a way to stay accountable to my desires, my plans, my actions, and my inspirations. Lucky you, you've read this far and get to be part of this process. You should run. Run! Run now!
Over the last two years I have written a lot (and I mean A LOT!) about my past. I like to pretend, in my happy little denial fantasy land, that it was all preparing me to let go and move forward, but really I think it was a bit of a whiny pity-fest sometimes and I would like that to stop. So instead, this TWO year in mind, I am creating a list of things "relationship" related I want to call into my universe. Things that are currently missing. Creating my future.
1) I will have a more healthful relationship with food. I do not mean "healthy" because I have heard the term "healthy-as-a-horse". Been there already and have the current poundage to prove it. This new healthful relationship will involve more vegetables and less refined sugar. It will mean cooking more and eating out less. It will mean less caffeine (sigh) and more water. It will mean applying the shit I already know. Eating chocolate cake is in. Eating A chocolate cake is out.
2) I will have a healthy relationship with romantic encounters. This means (more) sticking to basic criteria for potential partnership, and less trying to fix obviously incompatible parts. This includes, but is not limited to having a potential partner be single (not married, since I don't need that drama), available (not gay or involved with other drama, like a baby mama), financially responsible (a job here would be good), interesting (to me, and willing to talk to my friends), intelligent (with more than 2 topics to talk to my friends about, one of them not being just about me), funny (to me, with some basic social graces), and cute (again, to me). There is definitely more here to think about, but let's stick to the basics for now, since up until very very recently (could that be this weekend?) I have not really done even that. Basic healthy is good.
3) I will have a cordial relationship with my children's father. By cordial I mean will probably not talk to him at all, and when I do it will not to be to laugh at him. With this cordiality I will refrain from saying anything at all about him if it involves sarcasm, rudeness, or toxicity, especially in my children's presence. I fully expect to backslide on this one given what a great guy he has been so far (told you I needed to work on the sarcasm) but that is the mean reason for this blog; accountability.
4) I will remember to love myself. I will exercise my body because loving myself includes keeping it is as good a condition as it can be kept given the time and space. I won't go all hating on my flab and start a binge/laxative routine and liposuction surgery fund, but I will move more. This might involve dancing (I could do that), tennis (cute men in shorts, I would do that), or yoga (doubtful). It will also involve massages, pedicures, photo shoots (naked on the beach?), new sheets, visits to my gynecologist and primary care physicians, remembering to take my vitamins and supplements, cute comfy shoes, jeans that fit, a rad pair of sunglasses, and some candles (just because I like them).
5) Sex. (see #2)
6) I will write. Yeah, I know I have said this before, so thank you to my friends who bug me about this. But more than just writing here (blogs are not going away), I will write with a purpose towards publishing. A short story? A novella? A novel? Not sure what it will look like when I am done, but this is all going to lead to a relationship (see, that TWO thing again, I have a theme!) with an editor, an artist, a marketer, a publishing company and, eventually, a book signing. While drinking champagne. On my yacht. Off the coast of Crete.
Some of you may wonder why my kids are not mentioned on this list. Remember what I said in the beginning? About needing to call into my life things that are missing? Yeah, my kids aren't one of them. My relationship with them, even when difficult, is working. It is actually ROCK ON SOLID as I really am a kick ass mom. I don't really want to call the universe for any changes to that. Getting the rest of my life to the exact same level of awesomeness is what my TWO year is all about. Don't fix what ain't broken, the rest is up for auction.
Oh look, six things got written down! The Six-Word Memoirs book is working already. And the title of this posting? Yep, six words!
