It's been a busy morning. Busy week actually. Coffee, check. Garage sales, check. Summer camp with swimming (and all the daily gear!), check. Oatmeal and an actual work out, check. Kids with their dad for the Father's day weekend, check.
If writing were to become my full time profession (from my lips to the goddess' ears, please) I would have rocked it this week. While I can't say I made the 1000 words a day quota, I did get at least a half a page in every day. I joined a writer's group. I showed an acquaintance writer friend my first complete chapter (yikes!) of a novel I have been writing for the last 100 years. Progress.
But today, the blog fairy tapped me on the shoulder and said I needed to write just to hang out with my friends. That would be all of you in case you were wondering.
It has been a while since I just hung out and did not have anything in the back of my head that I should be doing. No laundry. No house keeping. No bills to pay ( and no money to pay them with even if I had them, ha!). So the slow down is both welcome and awkward. Like I wonder (as a Facebook post recently reminded me) if I really do have free time, or have I just forgotten everything I need to do.
So I should say that I am about to head into another busy week. No, I mean like "oh-shit-how-the-hell-did-this-happen" kinda busy. Two different summer camps. Work daily (I work for the government, and we are about to be furloughed. My office is handling the coordination of that. Yeah, it sucks). Another chapter due to be "edited" (read that as torn apart with no mercy). Oh yeah, and I get to prepare for court next week with my children's father. Thank the goddess that I don't have any pesky boyfriend hanging out, because while I admit that the sex would probably be an awesome stress relief, the idea of having to have another adult in my life demanding/expecting my time in an intimate way just sounds nauseating right now.
I am also putting my emotional health back to front and center. I started taking the vitamins and supplements again, noticing that the lack of them had made it hard to function. I gave up caffeine a while ago, and well, that blew, so I am back on my enjoyment of coffee. I am much happier, or so my co-workers tell me, since I have a added back my daily grind. To celebrate my return to the habit, I purchased several tin wall hangings for my kitchen with kitchy sayings about the love of coffee. They make me smile.
I made an appointment with my "women's health" professional (add that to the things I will be doing during the next hell-week) because honestly, my hormones have been fucked up, and I don't like it. One minute horny, the next wishing that I knew where to buy a good gun. It has not been pretty. It actually scares me because it might mean the depression is back. I fucking hate the depression. I don't want to be there again. And one of the ways I used to know the depression was bad? I would write dark shit . Yep, the last couple of chapters in the perpetual novel have been on the verge of suicidal. Well that just won't cut it this time around. I have a pre-pubescent daughter who is already in a hormonal cycle of her own, and a son who just-now figured out that his dad plays favorites, and is sad about it. I don't have time to waste figuring out my own shit if, in the process, I throw them under the bus. Might be time to get a good handle on my own physical stuff. Thus my workout this morning. Get strong again. Keep it that way.
Now that you have read all this, know that in my head I got to hang out with you. I need more of this. I do much better when I feel connected, even if just in the virtual reality of a blog. And when I have nothing else keeping me so busy that I forget to take care of own head, I do better then, too. Not quite back to square one, and faster in recognizing it, but a boot to the head might be good today. Or a beer. Or dancing. Or walking on the beach. Or watching a sunset. Or hanging out. Damn, I have been forgetting to do that.
