This morning, while thinking about the potentially stupid
way I may have acted last night, I decided to do one more potentially stupid
thing.
I read that sentence to my breakfast partner, and he says
that stupid is not a good descriptor.
Reckless, and serendipitous (there is a wonderful word in Spanish that I
can’t even begin to pronounce that this is the best translation for, I am
told), but not stupid.
Okay, so after drinking more than I should have, and putting
faith in someone I should not have, I get this gift.
Guiermo sits next to me, reading over my shoulder
periodically as he types away on his laptop and watches the soccer game. He is from Brazil. And only in Monterey last
night and today for a few hours before heading off to LA. I vaguely remember giving him my email, and
potentially a phone number, though if it is mine I cannot say. (He is looking
at the slip of paper. Yep, mine. The
fact that he had it in his wallet is shocking and makes me smile at the same
time). I completely remember the kiss
(oh, I just made him blush, which got another kiss, so not so bad).
The reckless, serendipitous, potentially stupid part is that
I did not go home with him last night, and instead hunted him down this morning
where he was staying and brought him donuts. (He laughs). This could have
backfired in a ton of different ways.
It didn’t.
This is new. When I
was writing yesterday about moving into the unknown without fear, this was not
what I expected. I was totally thinking
about someone else, and trying to fit an open friendship into a space where
none exists. Sitting next to Gui, (a
man I have now known for about 2.5 hours), as he checks his email, and drinks
an Americano (he thinks this is a funny name for coffee with milk), is already
more intimate and vulnerable than I have been in years. He is 15 years younger than me, has
beautiful green eyes, and when we kiss good bye after breakfast (he just asked
if it will really be only a kiss?), we will more than likely never see each
other again. The conversation has been
about love, and adventure, and being present.
It has been about risk, and about the benefits of actually being open to
anything, in a way that is not words, and not selfish. Donuts, it seems, is a very open
gesture. And the same thing that made
talking to him last night amazing, is what makes me miss him already.
He makes me promise that I won’t forget what today feels
like. That he knows that I know this, but that somewhere along the way I pushed
it aside. This part that is life, all
flaws and unknown. A kindred
spirit.
No rocks anywhere.
It is time for him to go.
I am excited for what the rest of my reckless day may bring.
