There are tons of anniversaries that are all about
celebrating.
Today is not one of them.
One year ago today my father died. Daddy.
That pretty much covers the entire feeling of today. Everyone knows exactly, or can imagine, what
that feels like. I miss him.
That’s not really fair though, is it.? I have adjusted to
life without him, and, to truly be honest, have to tell you that I had missed
him for a long time. He had been sick
for so long. The end of his 85 year
long life had been capped with not being able to walk without pain, not being
able to breathe without feeling like there was a brick on his chest, not being
able to sleep, not being independent, and not having many friends left to
commiserate with. My mom would disagree
with me. But my dad loved her so much that he stayed because of her. He stayed because she needed him to. It was
a gift.
Today I will find a way to connect with my mom, to
acknowledge her hurt. I will suck at
it, because I am not sad the way she is.
I am much more like my dad that way, not afraid of carrying on, and not
afraid of dying. He wasn’t afraid of it
for himself. Maybe a little, like the
rest of us, but he never showed it. He
was ready, in a way that was both resigned and graceful. I hope I can be that
kind of cool.
So, to remember him, I invite you to read the blog I wrote
about him last year, right before he died.
I loved him then. I love him
now.
Top of the first, bases loaded:
