I am currently in possession of the world's worst snow globe. Yes, there is a story.
There is nothing vulgar about it, or even trashy. It does not have drug paraphernalia or any kind of sexual reference as the snow glitter. As a matter of fact, it would probably be just meh to most people, if they noticed it at all. But to me, it is now, and always has been, the most hilarious snow globe ever.
It is a Jesus. The base of the globe is the upper half of the body, with arms and a staff. Inside the globe is the head. Yes, the Jesus head IS the snow globe. It is like a Jesus in an astronaut suit, or in a scuba diving helmet. All rosy pink cheeks and plastic combed beard. It is the perfect fake Jesus, with the perfect fake glitter snow floating in the perfect glycerin water.
Until I saw a picture of it this year.
See, the globe was a gift my son gave at the last minute to the woman my children's father is married to, Christmas about 10 years ago. It was legit the most perfect, and also the least thought given to any gift ever in the history of gift giving. My children, not raised with any particular faith, only know the superficial meaning of Jesus as relayed to them via their stepmother's sketch relationship with the Christian faith.
So I have laughed at this thing for the last decade or so, always pretty indignantly, but still with the full on Catholic mentality that I was raised in rearing its ugly head. How anyone could make, much less buy, then be gifted to cherish a resin and water Jesus-in-a-glass-bubble was beyond me, and so completely ridiculous, I had to laugh or I would have cried.
This year, about November, when the decorations start coming out (because this only comes out at Christmas apparently) my daughter showed me (via a text photo) that half the water in the globe was now gone, and what was left was now a disgusting rust and gray color, and that the Jesus now looked like it was drowning in a kind of flooded puddle , but only a little worse because the head out of the water did not have the benefit of the liquid magnification, and it looked cut in half and kind of dismembered from the rest of the swollen bottom part of the face.
This would not do. Even as I laughed at the sadness of the situation, the idea of my favorite terrible gift being in such bad shape got to me. And like any good ex-wife would do, I asked my son to steal it so that I could repair it, and he could give it back in a second round of holiday giving on the tenth anniversary of the horrible occurrence.
No good deed goes unpunished, or something like that, because here it is almost March, and the globe has now been repaired. Granted, it was a truly fuck my life kinda saga, with a crack in the original (possibly the cause of the gross water to begin with) and two other globes being acquired and broken before the one the head is now submerged in finally became a reality. There was glycerin to buy, snow to replace, appropriate glue to spread, and a new rustic fabric scarf to create to cover up the slight ridge on this fourth globe that is just slightly too big for the body base. But, at least not broken or disgusting anymore.
And so it is done.
But, oh, there is more. (There is always more.)
Even with all the slightly annoying work this globe has cost me, I don't actually care if she gets it back at this point. See, a bit over three weeks ago, she was arrested for domestic violence against my ex. I have been told she pushed him down some stairs, and attacked him. Apparently this was not the first time, just the first time my son was there, and pulled her off his dad, and the police subsequently became involved. My 18 year old had to protect his dad, which I understand, but at 18, the possibility of him being arrested instead of her has not escaped all the spin my brain could do when I found out. Me now fixing something that belongs to her, that was a gift from my son, some how feels gross, and emotions closer to disgust rather than humor. Everything I had believed about her, and her fake piety and perfection just whipped around and left my ex's and my (albeit adult) children vulnerable and justice involved. I feel sorta powerless and sad, and a now pathetic but fixed snow globe is too trivial and yet importantly poignant at the same time.
I will hand the globe to my son at some point over the next week and let him decide if he wants to smash it, throw it at her, or quietly put it in the decoration box. I have done everything I can to allow him to make the next decision. The story is too weird to not be funny, but too sad to ever make fun of again. I kind of just want it out of my house.
She pleaded not guilty at the arraignment.
