Levelup

Today I started my earnest effort to not bother trying to date (or even talk to for that matter) any person who simply does not meet my basic criteria.

You would think this is a no brainer.  Like hey, Elise, maybe don't date people with giant ass red flags, or creepy first impressions.  Legit, maybe pay attention to all of them, because if you are lucky enough to have them show up as who they will be eventually, you really should believe them.  

But something changed in my level of initial acceptance.  Maybe it has to do with the left over remnants of the 2016 election.  Maybe it has to do with the trials against racist slugs currently in the headlines.  Maybe it is just my extrovert tendencies that got all thwarted during a pandemic while watching selfish people cause it to feel prolonged and isolating.  Maybe it is because I am just tired of rudeness.

Don't get me wrong, this blog is not the most polite thing you will ever read.  I fucking cuss.  I call out crap behavior that has me angry or sad ,and I don't really worry much about that person's feeling when doing it. I talk bad about myself with both pity and self righteousness, and am sure I hit plenty of nerves by pointing out the obvious as I see it in the world.  My blog.  I can do that.

What I don't do, though, is try to convince potential romantic partners that they need to see things my way, and then expect them to still like me when they don't. Because I don't and I won't. I promise not to  like you, and I don't want you to like me, either.

Case in point, since I am on dating apps, is having someone tell me that I am too sensitive when I am told that I would be so much prettier if I just stopped having (the wrong) opinion about politics and I tell them (politely as I could manage) to fuck off.  Seems that does not go over well, and I end up having to block them.  Today that happened with one person wanting me to be *an intellectual sparring partner*, then showing me a TikTok of Biden getting hit with a baseball bat and a caption saying that explains everything, while laughing. It happened a second time with someone else I dated like 7 years ago who wondered why I had unfriended him on Facebook. So I accepted the new friend request, only to have his cover photo be a Let's Go Brandon logo over an American flag.  I not only unfriended him again, but also blocked him this time.  A third person (I had to assume was actually a scammer because of all the personal questions), was angry when I wouldn't answer.  I told them I would be happy to answer all of their questions over coffee tomorrow morning, just pick the place since we are local.  They couldn't, of course, because they are currently out of the country on a contract in Syria for an oil company, but will be back in the Americans (yes, that is how they spelled it) in a few months, but for me to please wait for them by talking to them on WhatApp.  I said no, told them I would be happy to help them stay faithful to me by having their profile blocked, and then laughed.  I got called a bitch right before I reported them.

Because, it turns out, I didn't like them. And that is fine. Next.

But this isn't the worst part to me.  The worst part is recognizing that I have, in the past, not had these kinds of boundaries when the person is real, but is really just a not a good match for me, or worse, an actual douchebag. I have believed that certain traits are things I can just adjust to, because people are just different, and I need to be open minded.  But really, why? Why do I have to accept bad behavior, or things that are just kinda gross to me.? Do I have to be okay with someone who justifies why they voted for Trump twice?  Do I have to be okay with people who think the men who murdered Ahmaud Arbery should not have been put on trial for hate crimes?  Do I need to just feel pity for the people cheering for the likes of Marjorie Taylor Green as she talks about her like for Putin, or can I just fucking punch them in the face and be done with it?

Apparently I don't have the patience to date people anymore who complain about the state of the world (and by world, they always mean *'Merica*) but do no work to help, make no effort to educate themselves on multiple views and solutions, and don't vote. My ex was that, by the way, and all I can think now is how gross, arrogant, and repulsively stagnant he was about this.  I am actually grateful today because it helped me see a whole bunch of crap I might have overlooked before for the sake of romance.  I am not desperate, and I don't need to spend another five years figuring out just how useless someone was in my life before it ends.  It can end before date one, and I can be just fine without them in a truly never kind of way.

I wonder what kinds of people will show up tomorrow.  I am sure my list of requirements will just get more defined all the time. Time to Level Up. 

Roulette

 Russia invaded Ukraine today. 

That should be the top of everyone's list for terrible events and collective human tragedy.  It is not like we didn't know this would happen.  All truly awful human rights violations started with men just like Putin convincing other men like him to some how violate everything we know about how to actually be a decent human.  It has been happening all over the Middle East for just about forever.  It is happening in Somalia.  It is happening in North Korea.  It is happening in Laos, and in Burma, and Tibet.  It is happening all over Africa and South America, and in parts of Australia.  And let's be realistic, it is happening in Texas and San Francisco.  Because when people are ever seen as less than people (Alabama, I am looking at you) then the people who are doing the violations have already been given reasons to stay in the power structures created often by folks turning a blind eye.  So it is with Russia, so it is with Wyoming.

But that is just the political rant I couldn't get away from as I thought about what I would write about. Because all of the invasion news today came to me from one of my clients. He actually started shaking his head when he came in my area, and instead of saying hello, or any kind of other usual polite agreement, he said "So, World War III just started.  I am glad I won't remember it".

While remaining calm, secretly freaking out inside, I asked him to explain what he meant.  He told me the current event, with a trained soldier precision and devoid of all emotion, and said he would not fight in this one.  He had done his tours already.  So I asked about why he wouldn't remember it if this was going the way of all terrible wars, and he said that he has just read a report explaining why he was having trouble with short term memory, as he touched a green folder he had brought with him.  He opened the folder and took out a page and handed it to me.  I asked him if he wanted me to read it, and if he wanted this on the official record or not.  He said, yes, read it, but for now, not to put it in his notes.  I agreed.

On the page was a summary of a diagnosis of deteriorating and irreversible brain damage, progressive, and more than likely caused during his time in service from repeated brain trauma. There was no expected reversal of current memory loss symptoms, and no treatment that would help slow the damage progression other that what was already being done.  He said there was more, outlining what was being done, and what he should seek to help with accommodations.  More importantly, to him, a safety plan for when the day came he would not remember how to keep himself safe without first reading it.  He needed as many people in his life as possible to read it, so that he would have a safety net as things got worse.

I did all the usual things I would normally do with a client for the next 45 plus minutes, and thought about how the news of the Ukraine seemed small and distant compared to the man in front of me.  There would be more people in the future who would be getting the same green folder, with the same diagnosis, because we hadn't yet figured out how to not send people to war.  Us. Them. The world bullies. The bystanders.  All of us, stuck repeating a history we already know the end to, and my client would no longer know a thing about it. Or about his childhood friends. Or about his marriage. Or about what he had for lunch.  

As he was leaving, he picked up the green folder and says for me to remind him to tell me what was in it the next time he is in my office, and that I should read the summary sheet.  He had already forgotten that I had read it, so I just said that I would ask him again, and that he could always share anything he needs me to know.

After he left, I started to look up the news, and see if I could find a press statement from the White House.  But then I didn't, and just sat there for a while instead, knowing that remembering to look up a news report was a luxury.  Russia would take care of itself, and the world would either learn the lesson or not.  I had time for figuring that out.  

By the time I read the news, listened to the speeches, watched some videos, and formed the opinion about the world I wrote about above, the best question I still had today was I wondered about my client, and which one of us was the lucky one this time around.